When I was around 10, my sister was a huge fan of Harry Potter. She read every book at least 3 times, she loved them and of course as many girls talked a lot about what she loved. I never read it, but I was into it too as my sister and friends were talking about Harry Potter books all the time.
I still remember that day. We met in my sister’s bedroom. She passed me the Harry Potter book and said: “You won’t believe it! I just got to know….” She exhaled. "Harry Potter's author is a woman!!"
"Really?" I gasped. I couldn’t stand and sat on the couch. “No way…” I grabbed a book with disappointed trying to figure out how could I’ve missed it…. A woman?
Recalling it my memory right now all I can think is just… wow. I was disappointed because the book I haven’t even read was written by a woman!
When I was in my 20th I was still surprised why any relationship wasn’t really working for me. Really? Wasn’t that obvious?
As the answer is SUPER SIMPLE. Any men look for a woman who knows her worth. The woman who is confident. Who is not ashamed (even if she doesn't realize it) that she is a Woman. The same works for success, you have to believe in yourself to get it.
Researchers proved that most of the times the one who is more confident, not qualified, gets a promotion at work. No wonder men are getting most of the C-level positions, most of them don’t seem to have problems with confidence, don’t they?
Why do women struggle with this so much then?
Why do little girls get disappointed when they see the successful woman? Why do some women feel ashamed of their success and never believe they really deserve it?
There are assumptions most of the women have that blocks our way to satisfaction, happiness and believing in our WORTH.
Let's dive into that and give our mind new rules, that says: "Whatever you have achieved or dream to reach, You are worth it!"
Assumptions that take your energy away and block confidence and how to deal with them:
1. Women are too emotional to make important decisions.
Women are emotional. Yes, we are.
This assumption exists because women let themselves disrespect their feelings. So if you have this idea stop right now. Take a deep breath and NEVER let yourself disregard your emotions again.
Feeling and emotions make harm only when you can’t control them or bring to the right use. When you know more about yourself, explore yourself and respect your feelings you learn to use your emotions and feelings to serve you and help you to make the best choices, take risks, find creative decisions and new approaches.
Our modern world is all about new ways, innovation, authenticity, and self-reflection. It’s a new time when old ways of life and business don’t work anymore when we have many great chances to bring the uniqueness of our own experience to the world. That's why Emotional intelligence is in higher demand than it has ever been. This is when nothing can be more precious than gifts women have.
Sensitivity, empathy, understanding, intuition.
Let me ask you how do you feel when you have to suppress your feelings in a relationship or at work?
It sucks, right? It does for me, every time I do that I feel that it takes me ages and a huge amount of energy to let go of tension and come back to the inner state of happiness and balance.
I am getting super exhausted when I put my feeling on the back burner. The question is how not to do that and not to get hurt?
Here are simple steps:
1) Acknowledge your feelings.
Not an easy one. But very powerful. Trust me when you recognize your feelings you transform your life.
You can’t control or use what you don’t know exists. What do you feel now? What do you feel about it? Write it down. Don't have time? Quickly put keywords on paper. Just 5 simple sentence can raise your self-acceptance. It doesn’t mean you have to be the slave of your emotions and let them put you down. No, but the first step to protecting your feeling is to know them.
2) Asking your Why.
The next step is asking yourself why do I really feel that? What is a real reason for my emotions right now?
You have your small list, 5 simple sentences or keywords, but what is more important you have respect to how you feel.
Now put any blames aside, take a deep breathe and see why do you really feel that?
When I was working with a great girl Natali, she started to use this technique at work. She was anxious about her rude boss, who seemed to criticize her all the time. She took everything personally and was upset all the time. When she first asked herself what was the REAL reason for her feelings, she remembered she felt something very similar when she was a kid. Anxiety, worries, insecurity and unconfidence. But she felt better when her father approved of her. She always was trying to show him what a good kid she was and struggled when he didn’t pay attention. He was indifferent very often, he wasn’t the most sensitive man on Earth…
When Natali started to ask herself honest questions about her feelings, she realized the pain she felt about her boss was really addressed to her father. She hasn't felt his support, so he was too sensitive about opinion other men around her had. And it leads us to step #3.
3) When you know why, try to solve the issue.
As soon as Natali understood what’s going on, we developed an easy strategy how to find approval that she was craving. Self-love and self-acceptance gave her the feeling of her own value and as she knew the reason of her anxiety she managed to switch every time, using breathing exercise and quick "problem-solver" meditation. Switch to the solution is a very powerful tool as science proved that anxiety and worries are habits and to change them we need to refocus as fast as possible to prevent automatic reaction of the brain. Natali refocused to self-acceptance we developed step by step and she stopped being anxious what her boss thought.
This is one example, but many of our worries and anxiety comes from a wrong, negative self-image and ideas about yourself that put you down. We not always we can easily realize what blocks us, that's why working with your subconsciousness is so powerful.
The next HUGE assumption that many of us have and that really block us on multiple levels:
2. You can never have it all, a woman has to choose between career or happy loving relationship.
Let’s admit it, deep inside we all have or at one point had this idea.
Women crave for love. I admire this in every single woman and girl, but sometimes we use one of the greatest gifts we have against ourselves.
The great ability to LOVE were given to women to expand, not narrow, to grow and influence, not to give everything away.
But having the wrong idea about balance we often program ourselves to failure without even trying.
I love the example from Sheryl Sandberg's amazing book "Lean In", she writes: "A few years ago, a young woman at Facebook came to my desk and asked if she could speak to me privately. We headed into a conference room, where she began firing off questions about how I balance work and family. As the questions came faster and faster, I started to wonder about her urgency. I interrupted to ask if she had a child. She said no, but she liked to plan ahead. I inquired if she and her partner were considering having a child. She replied that she did not have a husband, then added with a little laugh, “Actually, I don’t even have a boyfriend.” It seemed to me that she was jumping the gun—big time—but I understood why. From an early age, girls get the message that they will have to choose between succeeding at work and being a good mother. By the time they are in college, women are already thinking about the trade-offs they will make between professional and personal goals."
Yes, we can have both. It doesn’t mean everything will be perfect, it wouldn’t. And it still could be hard to prioritize, a balance will go in different directions and sometimes you even will be confused or tired.
But it is possible. The World is open for you in every way. The only thing that blocks you from having what you want, whether love or success, is your mindset.
Have you had this thought in mind: “God… how can I have it all…?” If yes, you can.
What is more female energy system is made the way we should have both success and love. How? Let me tell you.
Women are wired to give. I believe that everything we experience in life was given to us to find a balance. Balance between different things, our ego and Soul, ourselves and other people, working and enjoying and many many other things.
That’s why the question arises if women are wired to give, what do we all naturally have to balance it up?
Some hidden source of energy? Or additional strength? Or superpowers?
The thing that balances women’s giving is creativity. The more we use our creative energy, the more energy we have.
If you already started to think: “But I am not creative…” Stop right now, as I have something very important to tell you:
Creative energy is natural for women.
When we use our creativity, we feel more inspired and fulfilled, so we have enough energy to put in both a meaningful relationship and our success. Besides the more creativity woman use, the more sexual energy we have.
How can you start to develop creative energy right now? Here is simple effective exercise:
Breathing exercises to embrace your sexuality and transform it into creativity.
1. Sit still, find the most comfortable position so you can feel comfortable and safe.
Playing nice, calm music can help you to relax.
2. Take a deep breathe and concentrate on you sacral chakra which is situated in the womb area.
Researchers proved that as soon as we concentrate our attention on any part of our body, blood springs to it, renewing cells and healing any un- healthy processes.
So when we pay attention to our body parts and chakras it is good not only for energy system but for our physical health too.
3. As soon as you feel warmth in the womb area, imagine how sexual energy fills you, you feel energized, you feel joy.
4. To transform sexual energy into creativity and passion in actions imagine how it raises up along your spine straight to the brain. Filling it with new ideas, insights, and understandings you need.
5. Energy circles a little bit higher your head and go into the center of the forehead then down to heart filling you with warmth and love and back to sacral chakra.
6. You can repeat this circle three - nine times, as much as you need to feel more inspiration, passion, creativity.
For more relaxation and deep work with your emotions and feelings try Guided Meditation.