Today I want to share with you ideas about the kind of anxiety “we are not about to have” because things are fine. We ask ourselves: How can I feel that?
We tell ourselves that we can’t have this feeling because everything is fine! I mean life is good, there is everything the person needs. The children in Africa don’t have water for f sake and I am struggling with whaaaaat…? Why do I feel this ??!
I stopped asking myself this question a long time ago and my life became much better.
You need to stop punishing yourself for feeling bad or trying not to feel, you need to admit it and start looking for a solution, a reason why and some light you can bring to your anxiety and the story you tell yourself.
Because anxiety can’t survive clarity, it can't survive a shine of self-acceptance.
When you feel guilty for experiencing negative emotions “without a solid reason” you disrespect yourself, you simply make things even worse.
Anxiety loves that, this is what it wants from you most of all. Guilt. Self-criticism. So the first thing we need to do is to STOP doing that.
This is my message to you today. Whatever you feel it is ok. Even if “you don’t have a reason”, these emotions are just the call for your attention.
You deserve to be happy and to live your life joyfully. For this stop feeling guilty and take in this idea: you can solve anything. The world is SO big, it doesn't end with people you know, the opportunities to get help, information, ideas that can change everything for you is unlimited. The Universe will always find the way to give you help you need.
You are allowed to worry “without a reason” because there is always a reason and as soon as you find it you grow.
You’re allowed not to understand why you worry and dive into self-exploration, enjoy the process and be concerned about your own feelings. You are allowed to feel sad or unhappy even if your life is fine in the opinion of most people.
Because you know that you deserve more, that you were born for a reason and your life and experience is about much more than just being fine.
To this end let’s see what mismatch crisis is.
This is the anxiety you experience when your reality or something in your reality doesn't fit you anymore. You are completely ready for a new level but still attached to some old negative beliefs.
The way I experience it: sometimes I just have this crushing feeling and it seems like it takes away so much of my energy.
I feel like I don’t belong to myself. I feel like I don’t know me and everything around seems not to align with the way I feel about myself.
I start to panic. I start to breathe deeply. This strong feeling that all these don’t match with me anymore gives me physical pain.
I want to throw away all my clothes. I want to completely change some parts of my life. This is not me anymore.
I want to share with you a very effective practice, that helps me in moments like this. But if you feel down you need to be super careful with it. You need to make sure that you can calm down yourself. If you don’t feel confident enough try to do with your coach or someone close.
This exercise is simple. The idea is to use negative emotions we experience in that moment as a fuel to realize what we lack to have a reality we want.
Le's go through the steps:
1. Close your eyes, relax.
2. Imagine what you want to have at this exact moment. Where and how you will feel comfortable. In exact details. Imagine what clothes, a place will fit you best than your current reality. How would it look, how will you feel?
I am not saying it’s good to always think what more you want to have. It is very important to stay in a present moment, enjoy what you have, be grateful. What I am talking about is the moment when you experience this exact feeling, and anxiety of “mismatch”.
And it’s not even an exercise to make you feel better. This is an exercise to understand and really reflect on why you still don’t have things you want.
3. Stay in a "future you want" for a while. Be very attentive to any emotions (even a very slight one) you experience. Breathe deeply. Be aware of any feelings in your body. Where do you feel the tension? Where do you feel fear? Notice that.
These tensions and fear are exactly what prevents you from letting the new reality you want in your life.
When I start to imagine this, I usually feel a tremendous panic. I see how something inside of me starts to boil, how my stomach cringes.
I go deeper and ask myself: "Why do I feel this?... I can’t have what I imagine, I can’t…I don’t believe I deserve it! I will be stuck in this reality that doesn't fit me anymore forever!!!"
The thing is if I would believe I deserve it and know that I go in the direction of what I want, I wouldn't feel anxious about reality that doesn't fit. Uncomfortable yes. Anxious no.
It's like going on a bus somewhere. If you know that this is the right bus, you sit and do your stuff. But if you need to get somewhere, you really want to get to the place, but you're not sure if this is a right bus, this is when you'll start to feel anxious.
But this moment of anxiety is so precious. This is a moment of such a deep insight. Because this finally makes you stop the bus and figure out if it goes where you want!
Every time I experience moments like this, I understand the way the world and our energy works in such a depth I wish to everyone.
Because the reason your desires and dreams aren’t realized yet is that you don’t let them. It’s not like you do anything wrong or you don’t work hard enough.
You just don’t believe you deserve it. But when this pain of mismatch comes and you feel how scared you’re to let the new level in, you suddenly realize, you have only two choices.
You can’t settle for old. You just can’t anymore. This is over.
You need to level up your standards and do everything you can to believe you deserve or you will suffer. That’s it. And you know what a woman can do when she has no choice...?
She can just absolutely crush it.
Your brain will insist to settle for old. This is the way it is wired. We really need to prove that we want this new reality. We need to show ourselves and the Universe that we're really truly ready. That we don't want old anymore. No more. I mean it.
You need to act on it. Act fast until your brain doesn't manage to prove you that old model is better. In moments like this, moments of strong emotions you have an ability to see beyond what your models of the world are. Strong emotion, even if it is a bad one if used right can blow up the wall between your reality at the moment and a reality you want for yourself.
But to make the blow you need to refocus this emotion, act on it, transform negativity or disappointment into a fuel.
When I was sitting there feeling this pain and imagining how I burn my house, all my clothes and everything that doesn’t fit me anymore, I realized that if I won’t do smith, even a very small thing, I won’t be able to get out of it sane. I couldn’t help hearing “That’s enough!! Enough… Enough! Do something to change it”
The question here is how would you behave if you already were in this new reality you want?
What would you do..?
If the action is too big and you can not do it at this moment, ask what would be a smaller proportion of this action. Can not do smaller, divide it into a smaller piece.
For me, it was upgrading my life. What would I do? I asked myself, wrote ideas in my diary until I realized I can just go and do it right now. Nothing except my own resentment prevent me from doing that.
All other time my resentment probably was too strong.
We all come to the moment when our pain is stronger than our resentment. Sometimes we notice it as a slight inner argument, sometimes can't forget it forever. It is the moment of choice when we decide either to move to a new level or stay in a comfortable zone.
As much as inner work is important, in moments like this you need to show the Universe that you're ready. You need to act on it.
Don't settle for less, because you deserve more. You're reading it for a reason, let me say it again: You deserve more.
Make a step. Even the smallest one you can imagine. It matters.
Love and Light,